First published in Pure Slush - Vol. 14
Let me tell ya a little secret.
I'm in Ane.
I know it sounds weird. What does it mean, to be in Ane?
Honestly, I still don't know. I'm kinda slow that way, always have been. Most folk call me stupid, and retard, and stuff. It used to make me angry. Now it just makes me sad.
I always felt there was something more to life, but it was only recently that I found out what it was. I was helping a woman in the supermarket where I work. She wanted to know where the plum tomatoes were. I told her that was confusing; did she want plums or tomatoes? Because they're in different places and if she wanted plums and I took her to where the tomatoes were kept, she'd get mad but if she wanted tomatoes and I took her to where the plums were kept-
She interrupted me. "You're in Ane, you know that?"
"What?"
"In Ane! Totally in Ane!"
She walked off, leaving me wondering what she meant. It took me a while to realize she meant I lived in a special place.
Living in Ane is pretty much like living anywhere, it all looks the same. Not many people know that I live there. Those who do let it slip out sometimes. "Don't go on with your in Ane talk", they'll say, or, "Cut out that in Ane gibberish, will you?" They seem almost angry when they say that. I guess it's hard for them to keep pretending all day long. I try to make them feel better. I go closer to them and whisper, "It's a secret". And wink. For some reason that always seems to make them more mad.
There must be other in Ane folk, but I don't know who they are. It'd sure be nice to meet them. I once heard that blondes are in Ane. That got me really excited. All them beautiful blondes, like Samantha Price? I went up to her once, after History class, and told her we should get together and talk about what it's like being in Ane. She called me a dweeb and a turd, but I know she was just pretending, in case someone was listening.
My cousin Mark was visiting us last summer. He's always been real nice to me, but when he heard my secret, this sad look came over his face.
"Come here, Mikey. I want you to see this".
It was a big fat book, a dictionary, and he had it open on a specific page.
"Inane", I read. "Absurd, unintelligent, nonsensical".
"That's not the same thing!" I yelled. "I live in Ane, that's a place, okay? And it's spelt differently and all, can't you see? And it's not absurd or nonsensical. It's wonderful and exciting and special. I'm special!"
"Oh Mikey", he sighed.
I'm right. I know I'm right.
Besides, it could be worse. I could be like them other folk.
I could be in Sane.